Angry and outta contact

Hello, my name is Brad Shah. I have a problem with my friend. Actually, she is now far from me. We know each other since two years. The relation started just unknowingly. I love her so much and as far as I know she loved me a lot that no other girl can love. She is so innocent and cute. But as the time passed, we had a communication gap. Sometimes she used to send me sms but by mistake since the sms used to have no meaning related. I use to call her so many times and write her text 100 times. Sometimes I use to think I better forget her. But I never could do that. I always remember the talk we use to have. One day I just left my home country for further study. I was thinking to leave my country without telling her but I couldn't do that. So I told her one day before leaving my home. That day, she was asking me what I would do if she got married to the next person and I was silent hearing that question. And the tears fell down. But she told me not to worry. We had a long talk before leaving also. Then I came to London. After I reached here I called her. She got my number. And one day she called me but I couldn't receive her call. I was busy. She sent me a sms telling that she had called me. I then replied that I was busy and I didn't know it was her. Then the next day also she called me. I talked with her. I was so happy to hear her voice. We used to have chat also. I used to forget my pains when I used to have chat with her. Really, she was the most desiring person to me whom I use to love to share everything. One day I found that she was angry with me with some reason. I found the reason and so I called her. But she didn't receive my call. I send text. She didn't reply. Then we had a chat when she came online. But she was so angry with me. I tried to convince her but she didn't believe. From that day we have no communication. I never called her. Whenever I try to call her, I just cut after dialing. And never send text also. I tried to forget her also. But it was not just an attraction so what makes simple to forget. I tried to burn her photo also but I couldn't do that. Each time I remember her I can see her image clearly. When I walk, I can see her in front of me. It is about months that she hadn't called me, no communication at all. So, what may be the reason? Is this the little mistake that I did, that broke our relationship? Does she still love me? Should I call her so that I can make her clear? What should I do? Kind regards. Brad.

  - Brad Shah/ London.

# Dear Brad, We have had a lot of discussions over here regarding Long distance relationship already. I guess, by now everyone has understood that a long distance relationship is very difficult to handle, yet, not impossible! But in order to go through a long distance relationship, both of the partners have to be very sincere to each other, dedicated and equally interested. Often anger, misunderstandings, disputes, complaints and stuffs like these tend to occur, after all, it’s all a part of life. No one can anticipate only happiness in life, isn’t it?

However, only they will make it through who has a strong will to keep the relationship alive; those who have the ability to continue relationship despite all the problems that may arise. Well, what else can I say? Consider all those problems as the test of your love and see whether each and every one of us do really pass or fail the test. That is the factor which decides whether one’s love will survive or die.

Alright, enough lecturing.... back to the problem at hand!! Brad, I think you’re not wrong from you side. You have done all you could but if she doesn’t believe you, that’s her problem. Anyways, don't think it's all over yet, give a few more tries. Yeah, call her up, tell her, “at least for the sake of the past, let’s make things clear once and for all.” If she doesn’t receive telephone, send her a mail or text whatever you prefer and tell her everything that you have in mind. May be your heart will lighten up, this way. If it’s really your mistake, never delay to apologize. Well, if I were on your shoes, I’d try to convince at the most for 3 times, then it’s up to her. If she really loves you and has the willing to continue with you, she’ll come back sooner or later. Meanwhile, you can have some space. Read some self-help books, self-improvement articles, gather with friends; share your sorrows with your best friends. Try not to think about her and prepare yourself for the worst because her answers can be anything also even if she doesn’t reply, you’ll get the answer from her silence, right? I wish you all the best, Good Luck.

Oh boy!! That was a tough one. Whew!! From my personal experience, I know it’s very painful to be in a long distance relationship but I still have the willingness to continue and I don’t give up easily. I wonder why sometimes “out of sight is out of mind” Okay, let’s not make it boring by my own bla bla bla. Actually, I wanted to list some steps, here, that will make a long distance relationship work. I’ll put it this way and sign off for now, love ya all.

1. Make the parameters of your relationship clear. Is it only for dating, boyfriend/ girlfriend, marriage, sex etc? It may seem an awkward question to ask but if things are clear later on, in the end, it’ll save us from heartache. Share what you expect from the relationship.
2. Do things together like watch movies, have a discussion over a topic, play online games together. Send surprises, love notes etc.
3. Communication, as being the foremost important factor, has to be regular or scheduled.
4. Don’t try to be controlling. Keep your space and live your life.
5. Talk about your future together. Make plans.
6. Avoid and tackle jealousy, be trusting, be positive. Maintain open communication, no hiding and no lying.
7. Give them personal object of yours, or which you’ve used for long so that when they miss you badly they can hold on to that thing.
8. Share ideas and views about balancing the relationship. Show that you really care and want the relationship alive.

-- Dr. Teen..