Heal My Heart

I am being in a relationship with a lady since year, 2003. after some years I proposed marriage to her, in year 2006 I, in company of my family reps. went to see her father and did the necessary things as per the first step of getting to know each families, initially the wedding was to hold in year, 2007 June to be precise. Then in January, 2007 I was retrenched from work alongside with her because we are both Police officers. Later in year, 2008 January I was re-instated and in July same year she was also re-instated. Then the marriage thing came back on track, putting some preps. into place, all this while we have been communicating and also seeing each other, though we are not in the same state of service because I was later transferred from the state we met and spent most of our time together, in July, 2009. Meanwhile every arrangement is on the going till the worst happen in the month of March, 2010. She called me to inform that a Soldier guy is interested in her hand in marriage, I was shocked, I asked whether she is into any relationship with the guy, she said no, that all the marriage prep. in been done with the mother and her elder sis, after sometime she called me again to tell that the Soldier guy has paid her dowry to her mother which was shared among the dad and the mom. I put more pressure to know what exactly is happening, then the shock of the decade came to me when she frankly told me on phone that she has been in relationship with the soldier guy in our retrenchment in year, 2007, but promised to sought things out by refunding the money paid to the guy and back on track with me, I can no longer take the deceit of all this years. NB. the lady in question was brought up by another person who she grew up to know as her father, that was the same man she introduced to me and the engagement was done there, now after knowing her real dad and mom decided to throw the efforts of the foster dad to the dogs, by introducing the soldier guy to her real mom and sis. where the marriage thing was contracted and dowry paid. The question why should she keep all this secrets from me for the past three years? Why should she now take this soldier guy to a different mom other than the one that brought her up? In conclusion, I have no option than to let go, and forge ahead with my life, I am writing because since then I have not been myself, thinking about her, about times we spent together and above all I am all alone, because I don't double-date. Pls. advise me.
- Dominic/ Nigeria.

# Damn!! This is a heart-shattering story. I am sorry to read this Mr. Dominic and would definitely like to help you heal sooner. I must say, you’re a strong man!! You’re doing the right thing. They say “when a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” As soon as you know about the triangle in a relationship, the best thing anyone can possibly do is to take a leave politely. That way we can have respect in the heart of our betraying partner. It might be hard, saddening and may seem difficult in the beginning, often you might end up being angry, feeling hurt due to deceit but it’s best to let go. You might have heard of this ridiculous saying that “girls are like train, one goes-another comes” Funny- as it may sound but sometimes it’s true. You will find a better one, don’t worry, you seem to be a nice guy. You have to forget her. In addition, there’s no point in loving someone who has been having extra relationship behind your back. Will you be able to trust her again? It’s disgusting, destroy everything that reminds you of her and move along with your life. There are lots of girls out there who are waiting for their perfect partner.

Time is a great healer of all wounds. Keep reminding yourself that you can make it through hard times too. You’re strong. This shall pass for sure. You are not alone in this. Almost all of us have felt such a tremendous pain of a broken heart at any point of time in life. Take it as a phase of life where you learn to get emotional maturity. Good Luck Dominic!!!

The below listed instructions might come in handy for all the viewers and fans of “Teen problems”

1. As soon as you find out that your partner is cheating on you, take a leave and have some time with yourself. Be alone. Cry if you have to and wash all the feelings for him/ her with it.
2. Realize that the relationship is over. Determine that you don’t need such a cheater in life no matter how much you love him/ her. Be prepared and gather courage to go through the pain of a broken heart. It hurts like hell. It’s the truth.
3. Destroy everything that reminds you of the cheater.
4. Share your feelings; speak your mind with your friends and family. Hang out more often with friends. You need to socialize more now.
5. Cheer yourself up, watch comedy movies, and play with friends. Don’t let your mind think about her, keep it busy.
6. Love yourself. This is the time when you have to show that you love yourself. Be more attractive, take care of yourself more.
7. Don’t think being a “Tragedy-king/ queen” is going to help you. Live your life, have fun, enjoy every bit of single social status and take full advantage of it. You might be able to make the cheater jealous if s/he notices you. But don’t display it intentionally to make her jealous. Just, just ignore him/ her completely.
8. Bear in mind, it’s not serious. This is all a part of life. We walk-we fall down. We love- we break. You are not alone in this.

-- Dr. Teen.