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Long Distance + Third Girl !!!

Hi, my name is Anna, 25 years old. I was in love with a guy whom I met in university. We were together for 6 months, but after graduation he went to other country for work, I saw him only few times in a year. It’s been, now 2 years, and it is very difficult to communicate with him because he is very busy and always travels between countries and sometimes he hasn't any tool to communicate with me. One time he told me about a girl, he knew from the company he worked in, and that she is very kind and cute, and when he was sick she stayed with him all the night. I was very jealous and the fight began. After that he told me that she wanted to change her company and he was very upset, then he didn't talk to me, even if I call him he is unavailable, so I tried not to call him, however, he returned my call but I didn’t answer him, it has already been 2 months now, but in my birthday he sent me his wishes, so I called him and we talked just for 3-4 minutes. Last time I talked to him was yesterday, by chatting, he told me that he want to take a vacation and return home for 20 days, but he also told me that he is afraid of seeing me, he is afraid to kiss me, I don't know why? And he told me he is very upset? And asked me a strange question, "When you miss something very special to you, and you know you can't have it, what you do to forget it?" and he told me that he is very upset. I don't know if he is still in love with me? What should I do when he comes back??? And if he still doesn’t want to see me what should I do? Thanks.
- Anna/ Place Undisclosed.

# Dear Anna, with the things you’ve mentioned in your mail, I do say that he has some kind of feelings for you too. But I’m afraid, I can’t judge his feelings. One thing is for sure that he takes you as a very good, trust-worthy friend because he shares a lot of things with you and does really care for you too. He might have his own reasons behind saying that he’s afraid to kiss you and see you but that doesn’t mean he will never see you and kiss you. Don’t despair yet. As far as the third girl is concerned, is he upset because she’s leaving the company or what? Things are not transparent on his side. However, the third girl is real kind indeed. It should not be shocking for you to know that he likes the third girl. Everyone will like such kindness during times of emergency. Instead of getting jealous and fighting over it, you should have taken it maturely and asked him to clarify his relationship with the third girl. Had she not been special, she should not be worth mentioning about to you. 

LDR (Long Distance Relationship) is an understandably difficult commitment to honor especially while one is miles apart. It may be difficult but not impossible. Communication is the backbone of any LDR. In your case, Anna, this is lacking, which could be a major hindrance. Patience is another requirement. Impatient people never succeed in a LDR. Trust should help maintaining a LDR. Jealousy and doubts may arise from time to time, but you’ve to practice overcoming it. Stay positive. Anyways, Anna just keep it cool whether he comes back to see you or not. If he does, it’s okay and if he doesn’t you’ll get the answers, right? 

Why don’t we point down some DOs and DON’Ts for all those having a LDR? Here, I’ll list them down. 

1) Establish an effective communication channel
2) Plan to meet each other
3) Build hobby that you can both share
4) Surprise your partner
5) Capture and share that interesting moment. 

1) Settle for a temporary replacement
2) Take the relationship lightly
3) Wait and see attitude
4) Doubt & Suspect
5) Succumb to negative comment on LDR & negative thoughts. 

Now I hope it's easier for anybody to figure out whether the relationship is working or not. If any of the DOs lack or DONTs exist then, better take your hands off such relationship. 

-- Dr. Teen.


Anonymous said...

Thanks Dr. Teen for this helpful post.

Anonymous said...

Long distance relationship sucks !!

Edegra said...

Thanks for sharing the post.
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