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Victim of Break-up

I’m working in abroad since 1 yr...I am 19, guy, I love a girl so much that I see everything in her. But our family is not accepting us....still this is our 3 yrs running...when I was in Nepal we used to sleep together so I think, I don’t have to say how close we are, but this year she asked me breakup. I don’t get anything. How come this happen n why this is happenning!!!!! But after 2 days I call her n just let her go...she told me she want to concentrate in her study n I even asked her “do u have another bf?” but she said I have no will u plz tell me why she is doing this???? What could b the reason that she is doing this to me??? Even I already let her go, I am still waiting for her to come back m I doing right or not?? thx.....
- Victim/ Nepal.

# Dear Mr. Victim, you are really in an awful situation. Sorry to hear about this but bro. please don’t loose yourself. We have no control over situation and esp. others’ feelings, which may take a U-turn at any moment. Virtually everyone has been dumped at some time in their life. I certainly have - so I know it hurts like hell. The pain is sometime so palpable that we could well be suffering from a physical illness along with the mental problems.

Even after 3 years of such intimacy, if she needs break-up, if she dares to break up, then better give her a break. Give her some time to think. You did the right thing by letting her go. I assume that at this time she will not be willing to share the truth with you like earlier. So, all of your questions would just be waste of words. None of her answers will satisfy you, because you don’t want break up. And if she wants breakup she’ll make any stupid excuses she likes. (What a stupid reason?? She wants to concentrate on her studies so she broke up though love and study are 2 different aspects of life, which can be balanced, as we have already mentioned in earlier posts)

Losing someone you love leaves you with a dull, heavy weight in your chest that often, without warning, explodes into lacerating pain. This torment makes you long for a time when life was easier, so you tend to hope that your ex will return - sometimes even after a couple of years of single-living.

Try to see single status as a fresh and fun opportunity instead of a punishment. The most important thing to remember at this point is that you will get over this. I know it does not seem like it right now, but you will, believe me later on.

Let’s try to help you out by this LEARN method, by Christine Webber, psychotherapist and lifecoach

L= LIST all the things about your ex-partner that you did not like. Pin it up in your room so that you see it daily. Write it all down and start realizing that you don’t want such a looser in your life. You deserve better than her.

E= EXPRESS your feelings with your best friends, like you are throwing away your feelings for her via your mouth.

A= APPRECIATION of yourself, that is, you need to look at yourself in the mirror and focus on your best features. Do not blame yourself. If she dumps such a loving person like you, then it’s her loss, not yours.

R= RE-ORGANIZE and prepare yourself. This is a time when you need a whole new circle of mates of both genders. After a relationship is finished, we tend to think that we can never be loved again. This is not true, of course, but it is what we believe at the time.
The fact is that there is every probability you will be loved again. Not by your ex-partner, of course: you will never again share exactly what you had in that relationship, but you can have just as important feelings or even better with someone else. So prepare yourself for it.

N= NO SEX WITH YOUR EX! The trouble is that sex and closeness might make you feel loved and wanted temporarily, but it will leave you with more sorrow and confusion afterwards. So do not do it. If your ex begs to come back and try again, then you can make a decision at some time later about whether or not you will give it a go, but never have sex before this point.

Anyway, the chances are that with all the suffering you have gone through and all the work you have done on yourself to get your act together, your ex-partner will be the very last person you want to be with! That’s why you are still waiting for her to come back. The sooner you realize that your relation is over, the sooner you’ll feel better.

-- Dr. Teen 


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