Sama- Feeling Insecure.

I m 25 aged, just married a month back. Its love-arrange marriage after 3 yrs of relation. We love each other lot but I have a problem that I don’t look good and he is handsome so that I want him not to talk with anyone. He is very responsible person. He won’t betray me, I know. He does not have friends also still I feel if he talks with any gal at work place or anywhere and have sex then.... oh god! I had not this kind of fear before but I don’t know why. Kukurlai ghiu napacheko ho yo? He also has to update me every time at work. He does also coz he loves me but still I m not secure. What shall I do? He is such a good guy still I feel insecure. He does not smoke n drink. He is so family-oriented.

- Sama/ Nepal.

# Although, not exactly a teen problem, I would like to put some words on this one for Sama.

Marriage, in Nepal, is a union of a man and a woman, which is not only bounded by mutual consent but also by our tradition, culture and mythical beliefs. As such, marital relations in Nepal are stronger, hence, won’t break easily as so called teenage love does. To sustain a marriage it is important that there is effort from both sides, then only a marriage can carry on. A successful marriage is like a good recipe whose main ingredients are love, commitment, understanding, concern and togetherness.

Firstly, I think you should boost your self-esteem Sama. Don’t feel so low about yourself. You may be able to help yourself quite swiftly by reading some good books. Your feeling of insecurity is a very common marriage problem, happens to most of us at some point of time after marriage. It is a feeling that arises when you begin to think and listen too much to others and the possibilities of the world. When there is true love between two people, insecurity does not exist.

Try these things, which might help you:
1. Keep your self esteem high, don’t feel low about yourself. (He loves you and you are beautiful to him, that’s why he married you)
2. Feeling insecure is normal, but don’t drown in this feeling. Be practical and always look for the bright side, even at times of any issues such as he comes late from office, he couldn’t talk to you on the phone etc. Try to think of the positive reason.
3. Share your feelings with your husband in a friendly manner. Don’t say “I doubt you” or “I have a suspicious feeling towards you”. Express it in a caring manner and let him feel that you need more attention and a little bit more time from him.
4. If you fear he’ll have sex with whoever he talks in office than, maybe it is your obsessive love that’s creating such fear in you. Try to change yourself. However, u may want to learn how to please your husband in bed. If he’s satisfied with you, you need not worry.

We can conclude by the quote of Barnett Brickner, which says it all that "Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.”

-- Dr. Teen.